BPD, selfcare

First it hurts, then it heals.

How true of life. There is no need to heal if at first there is no pain. And without healing there is no growth. We only ever change in life when the pain of remaining as we are is greater than the pain of change.

He’s exhausted after being carried around!

Pain can be a friend not just our enemy. It tells us when things are not right in our body and mind.

I’m a whimp, when it comes to pain. In our home it’s never ‘man flu’ it’s ‘mum flu’. I am the worst sickie you may have ever met. I’m quick to recognise my physical pain. And terrible at recognising my mental and emotional pain.

I grew up in an era where crying at anything that wasn’t bleeding, wasn’t given much sympathy. Not that unusual in the 60s and 70s.

If you’d asked me how I was feeling a year ago, I would of had trouble identifying more than angry, sad and happy. Maybe I’d of added surprised and frightened. Anxiety to me was just the word that went with depression.

A diagnosis of BPD and five months, so far, of DBT have started the healing. I’m not ashamed of my diagnosis, nor should I be. I’m grateful for it. Without the diagnosis I would of continued to ignore and push down my emotional pain. Ignoring it to the point, I could not recognise it as pain. I would of continued to live empty inside, unsure of who I am and my place within the world. Feeling like a wall existed between me and the world around me. Like I lived in a bubble. Hiding who I am, being scared, if I was truly myself I’d be rejected.

Be brave, let the pain in and start to heal.

Love Tracy ❤️

2 thoughts on “First it hurts, then it heals.”

  1. I’m glad you recognised that you needed help. I know someone with BPD and refuses to get help. She is a train wreck who ruins the lives of people she comes into contact with. Continue with your healing ❤

Leave a Reply