I’m learning to be excited about being a beginner again. Learning to be comfortable being imperfect. Learning it’s ok to be bad at something.
As adults we’re not great at being beginners, being bad at something. Being vulnerable in showing others how much we don’t know and how much we still need to learn.
I’ve taken up painting and yes it’s not a comfortable feeling to not be good at something. But I’m finding joy in letting go of my need to be good at something. There’s a sense of freedom in letting go of my ego and being open to new ideas and things.
I am more comfortable learning online where my fellow students can’t see my frustrations and insecurities. Hear my expletives when things don’t go to plan. I don’t feel judged by others as I learn in private. That is the upside of online learning for those of us who experience anxiety.
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
– Brene Brown
The downside is learning online doesn’t allow for me to learn to be brave and experience my anxiety, learning the skills I need to overcome it. For now online learning suits me. One day at a time, one skill at a time. I can’t change a lifetime of learned behaviour and thought patterns in a moment of time. It will take time and patience and kindness to myself.