mental health, selfcare, wellness

The Beginners mind

I’m learning to be excited about being a beginner again. Learning to be comfortable being imperfect. Learning it’s ok to be bad at something.

As adults we’re not great at being beginners, being bad at something. Being vulnerable in showing others how much we don’t know and how much we still need to learn.

I’ve taken up painting and yes it’s not a comfortable feeling to not be good at something. But I’m finding joy in letting go of my need to be good at something. There’s a sense of freedom in letting go of my ego and being open to new ideas and things.

My first abstract painting

I am more comfortable learning online where my fellow students can’t see my frustrations and insecurities. Hear my expletives when things don’t go to plan. I don’t feel judged by others as I learn in private. That is the upside of online learning for those of us who experience anxiety.

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”

– Brene Brown

The downside is learning online doesn’t allow for me to learn to be brave and experience my anxiety, learning the skills I need to overcome it. For now online learning suits me. One day at a time, one skill at a time. I can’t change a lifetime of learned behaviour and thought patterns in a moment of time. It will take time and patience and kindness to myself.

3 thoughts on “The Beginners mind”

  1. Do so love your honesty Tracy. You have put into words so clearly what I, and possibly a lot of us, go through as adult learners of new things. We have lost the child like wonder of just trying it to see what happens and to not be attached to the outcome.
    I love the expression in your painting, be interested in what you see in it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good for you for going back to the beginning! It’s scary at first but it’s also a place of discovery and accomplishments as you will learn so many new things and be able to look back at your progress. I did the same with my crochet. I went right back to leaning from the beginning each and every stitch. It’s made such a difference in my confidence levels now and I just started weaving! I am so excited and immersing myself in a whole new language and pattern reading. But thank absolutely love it!

    Liked by 1 person

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