Life doesn’t get that much better. Sitting by the Mighty Murray River, curling up with my crochet, watching the river flow by.
The occasional water bird comes near to check out Kouta the Greyhound as she lounges on her bed outside Betsy the Van.
I’m remembering who I am and who I want to be. Nature isn’t silent. There’s the wind in the trees rustling the leaves. There’s the chirping, singing and quacking of water birds. There’s the gentle lap of water on the banks. In the distance I can hear the occasional car go by.
I love being alone. I’m never lonely when I take myself away on my adventures. Kouta is with me for company. She’s great company. She loves our adventures. She’s as excited as I am, to go for a walk and discover new places.
I’m content. I’m not stressing about things that may or may not happen or my perception of lack in my life. Happiness really is about appreciating the moment, being grateful for what you have. In the consumeristic world we live in we’re not encouraged to be content with what we have.
As a retailer I’m contributing to the consumeristic world. The pushing of the next must have needle set or must have yarn by the latest social media hyped dyer. It’s not how I want to live. I’ve been sucked into the consumeristic must have mentality.
What is enough? I’m a slave to my possessions. I push to have more. Rather than be grateful for what I have.
Happiness is about adding more. Adding more joy, more peace, more nourishing food, more love, more gratitude. If I fill my life with these there is less room for things that bring anxiety and depression.
What we focus on we attract into our lives.
In the hectic day to day I loose my focus. I get caught up in the need to pay bills and the want for more. I worry what people are saying and thinking about me. I worry about their judgment of me. I worry I’m a crap mum. I worry I’m not good enough. I forget who I am. I forget to include the joy, the gratitude and to be focused on the good.
My anxious brain will tell me I’m selfish for leaving Peter to care for the kids. It tells me I’m crap at maintaining friendships. It tells me I am not good enough. It tells me that to be good enough I need to be perfect. I need to be the perfect mum, retailer, teacher, wife, friend and daughter. STOP! BREATHE!
I am enough, I’ve always been enough.