I never feel ‘good enough’. The fear of failure is always with me. Probably due to my early schooling experiences. I didn’t learn to read until I was in year seven. I failed year 5 and again in Year 7. Back in the 70’s and 80’s children were made to repeat years. As one of those kids, I much prefer the approach of now, moving kids up with their peers and adding extra support where needed. Being that kid who was a failure, it has had a life long consequence in how I have approached life.
The online school is a case in point. A couple of constructive comments has me pulling myself back into my shell. The Online classes have ground to a halt with my fear of failure and the feeling of not being good enough taking over.
Many of us feel like this. The good old days of schooling, weren’t to my mind, really that good. Not when you were the kid who failed, didn’t measure up to their peers. Turns out that I wasn’t stupid, which is what I believed I was, I was probably Dyslexic! Once I hit high school and no one was measuring my achievement on my spelling tests, I blossomed with A grades and in Year !2 graduated with an Academic Achievement award and enough points to get into University. Still all these years later I still feel like a failure inside.
I can intellectually see where all these misbeliefs about myself come from and can acknowledge these belief are not true but emotionally I struggle to accept.
In an effort to get myself over the fear of not doing a good enough job with the online school I am going to make my classes all free until I feel I have the skills and production values to start charging again.
Find my Classes HERE