Where did I go?
Here am I at almost 54 years of age, not really knowing who I am or what I want from life.
Life comes in waves. Ebbs and flows, highs and lows. The years sneak up on us. All the plans of youth pass, sometimes unachieved.
I’m at a point in my life when I am questioning, what it’s all about. In the midst of a Pandemic, it’s a wake up call to the fragility and gift of life.
Maybe this is just my midlife crisis, my need to figure out who I am, to get back to the adventurous young girl I was. The one who packed her bags and jumped on a plane to the Northern Territory thirty years ago.
The girl who jumped off a perfectly good crane doing a bunji jump. The girl who said I will, and headed out to a one teacher school, to a culture she didn’t understand and still doesn’t but highly respects.
Where did my adventurous spirit go? Did it slowly shrivel as I birthed seven children, as I put others needs first and forgot my own? Was it when I married and forgot how to book my car in for a service?
The last few years have seen me plodding along in life. Putting one foot in front of another with no aim or destination. My spirit not broken just snoozing. Every now and again a spark of that young woman I was appears. The one that will make rash and wild decisions without weighing the dangers. The opening of a yarn shop being one, the running of seven half marathons being another.
Now I sit beside a waterhole in the mid north of SA, with no phone coverage. I shower naked in the sunlight and my soul whispers to me. There has to be more. Life needs to be more than making a living and raising kids.