mental health, reflections

Freedom is scary

Perfection is the mask we wear when we fear freedom. …Ashley Stahl

Before an issue can be fixed it needs to be acknowledge. The first step of solving any issues in life is acknowledging there is one.

Eliminating ‘should’

I need  to listen to my gut to figure out what I really want out of life. I’ve listen to others advice. Instead of taking what I need I’ve tried to incorporate the advice. I have believed others must know more than I do. And what they are telling me is the way a business must be run to be successful. There are many programs to learn how to run a profitable business. It’s all about the MONEY. A business should have making money as its central focus. There are a lot of ‘shoulds’.

The last few days I have started to listen to my gut. If things don’t feel right to me, I shouldn’t be doing them! As a woman in my fifties I grew up in a time when little girls did what they were told. We were conditioned by childhood stories of what makes a woman happy. You find the prince and marry him and live happy ever after, is what the childhood stories were about. It was also the time of the feminist movement. As a traditional working class family these ideas were seen as radical and dismissed as the ‘hairy armpit brigade’. I, in my ignorance, thought the feminist movement had done more damage than good and had taken away a woman’s right to stay home and care for kids. It had put undue pressure on women to do it all. Work and care for family.

I need to understand where my beliefs come from

Like I have aged and matured physically so have my understandings of myself and the world around me. There was never any expectation in the Feminist ideas of the 60’s and 70’s that women would do it all! It was more  that they can achieve without the stereotypes of what a woman should be. It was a woman can live her dreams.

When we follow the shoulds we do it with the fear of our true freedom to be ourselves. We give away our power and disconnect from who we really are.

Step one – Do A Self Audit

As I work through a self audit. I’m starting to see how I have let the shoulds hold me back from who I truely am and who I really want to be. It’s only the start of the journey for me and at 53 it may seem a little late to be working out who I am but …

the sweetest fruit is the slowest to ripen.


So here are a few things I’ve been working out.

I need:

  • To have PEOPLE to be the centre of my business.
  • Listen to the icky feeling in my gut and stop buying from overseas.
  • Focus on what feels right to me when making decision on life and business.
  • Examine my own values and to place them at the centre of my life and business.


Inclusion and equity

There have been many discussions on inclusion and equity and many have ‘copy and pasted statements’. A true understanding of what equity and inclusion is can only come when the work to examine my own unconscious beliefs and biases, is done This doesn’t happen over night it takes a lifetime of self awareness. It is never going to be perfect, as I am never going to be. It takes more failures than successes and it takes the acknowledgement of those failures to be brave enough to change. I need to see myself with all my faults and mistakes and imperfections, accept myself for who I am. Cherish my failures.


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